A Series of Fortunate Events
by Crazy-Freaky-Anonymous-Author
Summary: "'WANTED: for thievery, murder and other crimes committed in several lands. Persephone Qynn and Mara Tullion. 100 gold coin reward. Alive or Dead.' This cannae be possible they are the most ditsiest, clumsiest, quirky, argumentative, dim, hilarious mix breeds we've ever met!" The company could hardly believe it.((FILI/OC)) ((KILI/OC)) (yeah i no i can't help it :D) COVER BY MY PAL
1. Mysterious Thieves

**Here's a new story for you I hope y'all enjoy. RRFF xx**

**BLURB- "'WANTED: for thievery, murder and other crimes committed in several lands. Persephone Qynn and Mara Tullion. 100 gold coin reward. Alive or Dead.' This cannae be possible they are the most ditsiest, clumsiest, quirky, argumentative, dim, hilarious mix breeds we've ever met!" Gloin looked at the poster in his hand, then to the company. Sephy looked at Mara, then they both looked at the dwarves..."You never can tell..."**

_**Chapter 1 – Mysterious Thieves**_

"I WILL END YOU! COME BACK AND FIGHT ME LIKE MEN!"

Azog screeched in fury as the two cloaked figures ran into the trees and vanished into the dark. The trees around him burned and a tower toppled over and crashed about the orcs as the warg riders sped off after the thieves. He still didn't know how they'd done it...after all they'd been tied up in a cage...with no weapons...no help..yet they began to squabble amongst themselves and then the cage crashed to the floor...crashed into the wall...smashed and killed many of his men...and then the thieves managed to escape with his beloved warg's prized bone.

The two figures crashed through the trees, avoiding tripping on branches. They were running, the horrid figures, of the orcs, were screeching after them as they did so. There was no escaping them, the path they were on was dark and bumpy, no light broke through the thick tree coverage and their eyes darted around wildly. The creatures screamed after them again. Mara turned her head back to glare at her friend.

****"PERSONALLY I BLAME YOU FOR THIS!"

Sephy huffed indignantly.

****"WHAT?! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO GO BACK FOR THE WHITE WARGS CHEW TOY!"

****"I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D ACTUALLY GO IN THERE!"

****The golden-brown haired girl rolled her eyes and sped up her pace, clutching tight to her grey hood which she had had ripped off in the chase. Her friend was slightly behind her, dragging the large Oliphant leg bone behind her, her black hood billowing in the wind as she ran.

"THIS IS THE BIGGEST STEAL WE'VE EVER DONE?! YOU THINK I WAS GOING TO MISS OUT ON THIS? I MEAN NEXT TO WHAT-HIS-FACE-SHIELD, AZOG HAS VERY LITTLE PEOPLE ON HIS HIT LIST!"

Mara rolled her eyes.

"WHAT AND YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO ADD OUR NAMES AS WELL?" 

"PRETTY MUCH!"

She daren't give her friend a reply, she wasn't prepared to fuel their argument especially in the overall scheme of things. The screeches, again and again. Mara noted, even in the dark, that there was now a wall of stone replacing the tree on her left. She stretched out her hand, feeling the cold stone. A hole.

****"SEPHY! TURN NOW!"

"WHAT?!" 

"OH SHUT UP!"

Mara grabbed her friend's cloak and yanked her into the wall. They careered over each others feet and fell into the chasm of darkness. On they ran into the tunnel, losing the shrieks as they continued through their hidden tunnel. The girl at the back tripped over her own two feet and began tumbling down the hill, crashing into her friend and the pair rolled down the rest of the tunnel. They continued to crash into each other until Sephy ended up face-planting the dirt and they burst into the light. Her friend landed on top of her.

****"Ow Mara!"

****Mara laughed loudly as her white-haired friend pushed her of an attempted to wipe the mud from her face and hair.

****"Hahaha oh that was fun!"

****Sephy pushed her over and spat some dirt from her mouth, attempting not to giggle. She ran a hand through her now matted hair, clogged with dirt and filth...for the second time that day.

****"Yeah tons!"

****"Admit it you enjoyed yourself, and we got Azog's wargs bone!"

"I thought that YOUUUU didn't want the bone. After all what was it you were saying...It wouldn't be fun to be on Azog's hit list? Which by the way we're now on top of...HELL YEAH!"

Sephy punched the air with a cheeky grin on her face.

"Ok be quiet Persephone!"

"Ooooh full name, someone's annoyed!"

****Sephy smirked and looked at the bone by her feet. Mara bent down and picked it up, but was squashed into the dirt by her friend. After five minutes of struggling, both girls, were now covered in mud. Mara pushed her mucky fringe out of her eyes and looked to her friend who was putting a dagger away. Somehow, in all the chaos they'd inflicted on the orc camp, both girls had escaped without injury, with the bone and all their weapons. It all circumstances it was time to move on.

"Shall we move on then, Mara?"

"Yeah, I'll call on the mutts..."

"Are you su- oh you are already trying..."

****She watched as Mara took a deep breath, as if too whistle but in the end ended up making a hopeless spurting sound which caused both of the girls to giggle again. Sephy pulled the hand-carved whistle from her pocket and gave it a sharp blow. It made no noise that a human ear could hear.

****"Must be to out of range."

****"No no, just give them a minute."

****Hearing a ruckus and the sound of paws against the ground, two over-sized wolves burst through the hedgerow. They padded up to the girls and slobbered on them fondly. Sephy scratched her red beast lovingly.

****"Hello there Em! Who's a good a good boy? Who's a good boy?"

****Her friend laughed and shook her head.

****"You're pathetic!"

****"Says the one who taught Storm, Paw and Other Paw."

****The big grey wolf judged his master and grumbled. She patted his head and blushed.

****"Well I didn't know it would work!"

****Sephy chortled, then she looked around the path which held many places on offer.

****"Where to then?"

****"Hmmm, how about we drop Bilbo a visit? He looooovvvvveeeessss having us and we haven't seen him for a few months."

****"That's so true! So, to Bilbo!"

****Mara nodded and hopped on the back of Storm, whilst Sephy clambered on the back of Ember. Out of the corner of her eyes, she spotted something. Trotting over, she got Ember to tear it off the tree. Mara chuckled.

****"That's the eighteenth one today! We're doing well!"

****"Yup. Hehem...WANTED: for thievery, murder and other crimes committed in several lands. Persephone Qynn and Mara Tullion. 100 gold coin reward. Alive or Dead."

****Mara placed a hand on her chest and mocked horror.

****"That's a bit harsh! It should be at least 200 gold coins!"

****Her friend nodded in agreement.

****"Meh, we'll be ok, I mean it's not as if we travel in huge groups with well respected people!"

****She crumpled the page and tossed it into a bush. Then she kicked the sides of her hound and set off at a run. Mara followed after her and they began making their way to the Shire, the only place where their names were unknown.

**Please RRFF while I converse with my buddie about an update :)**


	2. Introductions are in Order

**here is the next chapter FYI NEXT MOVIE IS ALMOST OUT XD YAY! :'D RRFF**

**Chapter 2 - Introductions are in Order**

It was dark when the two girls arrived in Hobbiton. They were glad of this as it meant that it would be easier to smuggle the dogs in without aa lot of hassle...however the dogs didn't approve of that plan and decided to leave "little gifts" in nearly every garden on the way to Bilbo's house. Mara grabbed the leather round Storm's neck and tried to pull him away from the magnolias in Bilbo's garden. He tried to lift his leg but she yanked on the strap.

"NO!"

Sephy laughed quietly and patted Ember fondly on the head as he sat panting by the gate.

"When Storm's finished doing his business, would you mind knocking on the door?"

Mara gave her a sharp look.

"Oh shut up."

Storm started whining at the door and Mara knocked on the green wood. Both girls started giggling when they heard the sound of a frustrated Bilbo on the other side of the wood.

"I cannot be done with any more dwarves, Gandalf."

The door was wrenched open and Bilbo glared out into the night, wearing nothing but his pyjammas. Sephy let out a bark of laughter and shook her head.

"Loving the patchwork dressing robe there, Bilbo."

"Good evening to you Bil."

"Oh my god, I wondered when I'd be seeing your faces again."

The hobbit opened his arms and both girls ran and hugged him. Then they were shoved aside by the two humongous dogs pounced on him and pinned him to the ground, slobbering on his face. Bilbo laughed loudly and pushed them away.

"Get off me!..."

Sephy stepped in after her friend and closed the round door. Her eyes scanned the hoods and weapons that littered the hallway...her eyebrows raised quite high behind her side-fringe. Her gaze lingered on a beautiful looking, dwarvish bow...hers was getting a little worn out. She looked back at Bilbo.

"Soooooo when did you become friendly with dwarves, Bilbo?"

The hobbit growled lowly, rolling his eyes, his voice hushed.

"Don't even ask, but they're through in my dining room...eating everything from my larder!"

Mara pushed past him.

"What? Someone was actually brave enough to steal everything from that room? I must go and commend them! Storm through to the living room."

The grey dog trotted off as Mara marched through to the large dining room. It was crammed full of dwarves who were stuffing their faces full of food. No one had noticed her, or Sephy as they lent against the frame of the wall. One of the dwarves, wearing a dodgy hat, chucked an egg across the room.

"Bombur catch!"

It flew over the fat dwarf's head and Sephy managed to catch it. The room fell silent as everyone's heads turned to the girls. Mara grinned and waved.

"Well, this is a grand party in here."

"It sure is...oh hello Gandalf!"

Sephy smiled at the grey wizard, tucked away in the corner. Gandalf stood and smiled.

"Ah Persephone, Mara it's been too long."

"Sure has...so are we getting introduced or are we to expect these dwarves to stare at us like we're some freaks all evening?"

Mara lent over and muttered to her friend.

"I'd go with the latter."

Gandalf chuckled and stood up and smiled.

"Certainly my dears, uh gentleman if you don't mind standing when I call your names...Balin, Dwalin..."

A bald dwarf, with many tattoos, stood up along with an elderly, white-haired dwarf and both of them bowed. They said their "at your services" though the bulkier dwarf glared at the girls a little, in an untrusting manner. Mara pulled a face as Gandalf moved on.

"Bifur, Bofur and Bombur."

"At yer service!"

"Dori, Nori, Ori..."

Three other dwarves bowed, the girls rolled their eyes...they weren't used to having people in their services. Sephy had picked up a block of cheese and was now chewing on it as dwarves stood and bowed and stood and bowed. Mara chuckled at her friend at smirked as two dwarves, Gandalf addressed as Oin and Gloin, bowed lowly. Her white-haired chum let out a long whistle through her teeth, bored already at the amount of dwarves they were being introduced to...thankfully, however, none of them appeared to have recognised their faces or names, so they were safe.

Suddenly all the dwarves started recoiling and backing away, their eyes wide, just before Gandalf introduced the last two dwarves.

"What's wrong?"

The hatted-dwarf, Bofur, raised his hands slowly.

"Now lasses, we don't want to alarm ye, but there are two wargs standing just behind ya."

"Oh, those are ours."

A young-looking dwarf, with blonde hair and a braided moustache gawked, looking at Storm and Ember.

"Really? Wicked!"

Mara looked over at him and smiled, he gave her a cheesy grin. This caused her to scoff and she patted her dog's muzzle.

"And who might you be?"

"Fili, at your service."

"And Kili at your service."

An even younger looking dwarf, sat just in front of Sephy, practically shot out of his chair and threw her onto the floor and onto the paws of her dog. Mara laughed loudly as Storm started licking Sephy's face.

"Ow."

The brunette turned around and offered her his hand.

"Oops sorry."

Sephy slapped it away and jumped to her feet.

"Doesn't matter...so is that everyone then Gandalf?"

The wizard smiled.

"Yes..for now...what are you two young ladies doing round these parts?"

"Oh, just this and that."

Mara nodded.

"Business, you know?"

"Indeed..."

He raised an eyebrow, knowing that wouldn't be the real reason. The two girls folded their arms and lent against their large beasts, Ember eyed the young dwarf and growled menacingly. Kili's eyes widened as the flame-coloured wolf bared his teeth at him. Sephy looked at Ember and ruffled his ears.

"Hush now, it's not polite to growl at people."

Mara chuckled and looked at the dwarves, who still appeared to be staring at them.

"Pfft, sooooo are you planning on leaving poor Bilbo's house in this state?"

Balin stood and smiled.

"Of course not lassie, we were just about to clean up."

All twelve dwarves jumped to their feet and began running about the house, startling the unfortunate hobbit, of whom everyone had forgotten about, and made for the kitchen. Bilbo ran after them, complaining loudly.

"No no that is a doily, not a dishcloth."

"But it's full of holes."

"It's supposed to be like that, it's crochet!"

"And a wonderful game it is too, if you've got the balls for it."

The two girls had now taken the dwarves place with the leftover food and both of them smirked at the joke. They gave each other a look as they saw Bilbo muttering to Gandalf. He was complaining, it seemed, over the state of his house. The girls called to him.

"It's not as bad as what we left it in last time!"

"Yeah Bilbo, think of the positives! At least they haven't set the living room on fire!...yet anyway."

The really small dwarf, Ori they thought, walked up to him hesitantly, and asked him something in a mumble. They didn't see who, but someone threw a plate across the hallway of which it was passed into the kitchen. Mara muttered to Sephy, as the dwarves scraped knives off each other and kicked their boots together.

"Won't they blunt the knives?"

"Oh, ye hear that lads? She says we'll blunt the knives."

"Blunt the knives, bend the forks!"

Sephy gave her a pointed look. All the dwarves broke into a chorus as plate after cup was thrown around the house.

"Great now you've made them burst into song."

She sipped her mug of ale and rolled her eyes as a fork skimmed over her hair. Both of them walked into the hallway, Sephy cried out as she saw the sharp knife flying towards them.

"DUCK!"

Mara turned and caught it, just in time, but slipped on a stray tomato and landed right on top of Sephy.

"Again...ow."

As the dwarves finished their musical outburst, the two thieves stood on either side of Gandalf and whispered.

"So why are they here?"

"Yeah, this is not just a merry gathering. Bilbo doesn't know any dwarves."

"That, I'm not obliged to tell you...especially considering the reward on your heads. 100 gold coins was it not?"

The golden-haired girl nodded.

"Really should've been 300."

There was a loud pounding on the door and the laughter and merriment of the large party seemed to come to an abrupt halt.

"He is here."

**RRFF TTFN X**


	3. Heist

**OMG OMFG OMFG THE BOFA IS AMAZING! ABSOLUTELY AMAZING (warning tissues are necessary!) Also I won't be writing until after Xmas sooooooooooo cheery bye! RRFF**

**Chapter 3 - Heist**

Sephy and Mara watched as the now quiet dwarves, edged toward the door, kicking their abandoned weapons out of the way of the hall. Bilbo walked up to the door, sensing a nervousness from them rabble and pulled it open. Sephy and Mara, being so short, couldn't see over the top of the dwarves, Dwalin and Nori (mainly for his odd choice of hairstyle). The dogs were lying by their feet and their ears pricked up at the sound of the voice.

"Gandalf...I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice, wouldn't have found it at all were it not for that mark on the door."

Bilbo huffed at this new dwarf, who held a sort of regal air about him.

"Mark? What mark? There's not a mark on that door. It was painted a week ago."

Sephy lent over and whispered to her friend.

"Is that who I think it is?"

Mara paled visibly and looked over at Sephy, eyes wide.

"It better not be..otherwise we're screwed!"

Gandalf introduced the hobbit to the new arrival, crushing the girls hopes of it not being who they thought it was.

"Ah Bilbo, let me be the first to introduce you to the leader of our Company, Thorin Oakenshield."

"Ohhhhhh shiiiiiiiiiiizzzznick."

"Well, Seph it's been nice knowing ya."  
>The girls began edging further back into the dining room as Thorin began to speak.<p>

"So, this is the hobbit?"

Maybe he wouldn't recognise them, of course he would, maybe he would have forgotten what they'd done (under the influence of an anonymous benefactor and the promise of a lot of cash)...of course he wouldn't.

Mara stopped when she heard Thorin's belittling tone as he spike to Bilbo.

"Tell me, Mr Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

Bilbo blinked.

"Beg your pardon?"

"Axe or sword? What's your weapon of choice?"

The dark-haired girl rolled her eyes as their friend went to big himself up by explaining his skills in...conkers. From her new position, she watched as Thorin rolled his eyes.

"Thought as much...he looks more like a grocer than a burglar."

The dwarves laughed as he spoke and Mara bristled. Her eyes met Sephy's whose silver iris' held a gleam of mischief. Sephy pulled the whistle from her pocket and gently blew. Instantly the dogs shot to their feet and looked around, the girls clicked their fingers in Thorin's general direction and muttered.

"Fetch."

To say that the kingly dwarf was utterly bewildered when two large beasts jumped on him and began licking his face, pinning him to the wooden floorboards, was an understatement. He was furious. He shouted loudly, as did a few of the other dwarves, bar the likes of Fili, Kili, Bofur and Nori who found it absolutely hilarious.

"Get these flaming beasts off of me!"

Sephy smirked as she walked forward and lent against the wall.

"Only if you say please."

Mara chuckled as Thorin fought to see who had spoken and then his icy gaze fell on them.

"You!"

"Oh look Mara, he does recognise us!"

"Thought as much!"

Many of the dwarves looked highly confused, but Gandalf gave the girls a look which suggested...Get them off before you begin to regret it.

"Fine!"

Mara took the whistle from Sephy and blew on it. Storm and Ember hopped off the crushed dwarf and trotted back over to their masters eagerly. Thorin sent the pair a death glare. The grey wizard held him back before he advanced on the girls.

"Gentlemen how about you serve up Thorin something to eat whilst he, myself and Mara and Sephy go through to Bilbo's study."

Confused, the dwarves wandered back through to the kitchen and dining room, followed by a dazed Bilbo. Gandalf led the way to Bilbo's study and Thorin stalked after him. The white-haired girl blew a long breath through her teeth before she and her friend entered after them.

"100 GOLD COINS?! AFTER ALL THE HUMILIATION YOU HAVE CAUSED ME AND MY NAME IT REALLY SHOULD BE 300!"

The girls looked at each other and smirked.

"Exactly what we said, Thorin me ol' chum."

Gandalf held up a hand before Thorin could say anything else.

"Now, Thorin, they are just passing through. Bilbo is a dear friend of theirs. It is not as if they are here to steal from him or your quest."

Sephy's eyes lit up.

"Quest?"

"It is none of your business mixed-breed!"

Thorin glared at them cruelly. Mara matched his look with one of her own.

"Look, we were just doing it for the money. We didn't mean for all those schemes to go that far, Thorin, get over yourself."

"After all it was like...what 3 years ago? Can't you just put the past behind you?"

The glare didn't waver. Gandalf sighed.

"Thorin, I'm not going to ask you to let them accompany us on your quest, although I think that they'd be useful assets. Can you just not repeat the price on their heads, nor any of their crimes to anyone?"

"Gandalf, they are thieves wanted in several realms and you expec-"

"They are also my friends, and Bilbo's friend...do I have your word that you will say nothing?"

Thorin glanced at the pair, then at Gandalf.

"Your word?"

"You have my word, though I do not want them accompanying us, no matter how useful you think they'll be."

And with that, he stormed out. Sephy and Mara looked at one another.

"Well that went well I thought."

Mara smirked at her friends comment.

"That it did."

The two girls chuckled, bumped fists and walked back towards where the dwarves were now quietly watching Thorin eating quietly. The dwarf royal glared at the pair as they re-emerged. All eyes fell on the girls. A few of the dwarves smirked as Mara whispered to Sephy.

"Somehow I don't think we're wanted..."

"I agree..."

Gandalf gave them a nod and they disappeared round the corner. Mara looked back to see her friend pressing a glass, having no idea where she'd pulled it from, to the floor and her ear to the glass. She lowered her voice.

"Seph what are you doing?"

"Shhh...I'm trying to listen..."

Mara rolled her eyes as she could hear perfectly well what was being said by the company in the next room.

"Is Dain with us?"

"They will not come...they say this quest is ours and ours alone."

Sephy growled lowly...causing Ember to lift his head and grumble back at her.

"Shut up, Em."

"You're going on a quest?"

"Thank you, Bilbo!"

Mara sat on the floor, lying her legs on her friend's back and listened to the conversation. Gandalf asked Bilbo politely to get a candle and then started talking about something else...it seemed like directions of some sort.

"Far to the east, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands lies a single solitary peak."

Both girls were now lying on the floor with their eyes peeking into the next room, it was really awkward peering at just the feet of the others.

"The Lonely Mountain..."

Sephy shot up, head-butting her dog. She grabbed Mara's arm and dragged her into the living room as silently as possible...which meant they crashed into the glory box in the hall and the hat stand. She faintly caught the end of what Gloin was saying.

"...the reign of the beast will end."

The dark-haired girl looked at her friend confused. Storm raised his head and unfolded his paws, looking guilty at having been caught lying on Bilbo's sofa.

"What?"

Sephy looked at Mara as if she was crazy.

"Dude the Lonely Mountain..THE Lonely Mountain...as in greatest hoard of dragon gold ever..."

She rummaged in her pocket and pulled out a crumpled looking note. Her friend frowned.

"Why didn't you tell me we had another assignment!"

"Well it didn't seem overly important..it just said _**Follow group of thirteen sons. Major heist where much gold runs. Where dragon lies on many a bone. Then under their noses, get the Stone. If you do this I will pay you 1000 Gold Coins.**_"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Dunno! But it has to be the Lonely Mountain! I mean 1000 gold coins...1000!"

They grinned and Mara peeked out the living to check no one was listening.

"Shall we get ready for an adventure?"

**Merry Christmas guys! See you all in the New Year of 2015! TTFN xx**


	4. Our Legacy

**HOPE EVERYONE HAD A HAPPY CHRISTMAS! Mine wasn't the best, but it was pretty good! I'm sorry if this chapter isn't the best, but I have been trying to update for ages now so it's very bitty. Please RRFF**

**Chapter 4 - Our Legacy**

"Then poof, you're nothing more than a pile of ash..."

Bofur smiled and waved absent-mindedly into the air with his pipe. Sephy and Mara poked their heads from the living room when they heard Bilbo's voice.

"Nope."

A thud. He had fainted clean away. Sephy looked at the hatted-dwarf, a slight smirk in her eyes.

"Fat load of help you are!"

Gandalf glared at Bofur and then shuffled out of the crowded room of dwarves. He gestured to the girls.

"Help him through to the living room, quickly now."

The pair nodded and scooped up Bilbo, carrying his dead-weight onto a chair. The dwarves seemed to have gained movement in their legs again, and had all jumped to their feet...unsure of what to do now that their host had passed out. Mara rolled her eyes as she shoved past them to get into the three young dwarves, Fili, Kili and Ori, were all standing in the way of the shelf where Bilbo kept his tea. The girl coughed subtly to try and get them to move, not really wanting to spark any conversation. However two of thr three seemed especially keen to talk to her.

"Hi I'm..."

"Fili, yes you did introduce yourself earlier before Captain Jumpy over their knocked my friend to the floor with his arse."

She smirked as Kili's face went bright red. He began muttering something as Fili chuckled. He smiled at the girl.

"And do we get to know your name or shall we have to keep referring to you as the Dark Beauty?"

Mara scoffed and snorted loudly.

"Cheesy much, but I'm afraid your flattering comments fall on deaf ears. And if you keep up with those I will have to break your nose...now can I get to the tea please before poor Bilbo dies of embarassment."

Kili, now having regained whatever little composure he had, finally spoke.

"Your dogs, they recognised Thorin...and he spoke as if he knew you...why is that?"

He raised a dark eyebrow, curiously. The dark-haired girl grinned to herself, then looked at the pair.

"Ah, now, that...that would take my good self too long a time to tell and I don't think your pretty, little heads could take all that information in one go."

And with that she stretched past them and grabbed the tin of tealeaves. As she walked round them to retrieve the kettle off the fire, she heard Fili and Kili muttering to each other.

"Rude."

She gave them a grin. Pouring the water into a cup and stirring in the leaves, she sauntered to the door and waved.

"I try, and my name is for me to know and you to find out."

Then, she gracefully tripped over a piece of carpet and slittered some of the tea over herself, causing the dwarves to laugh. Mara turned and shot them a look, before continuing through to Bilbo and handing him the cup.

"There you go, Bilbo."

The hobbit took it from her shakily.

"Thank you."

"Hey, where's Sephy?"

The answer came when she heard the sound of a crash and loud laughter. In Bilbo's study lay Sephy, lying under a pile of papers and Storm and Ember, who were sniffing her crazily. Sephy cackled and tried to push the dogs off her.

"Get off me you freaks! Mara! Mara, help me, before they smother me to death!"

Mara just chuckled and lent against the doorframe. Fili and Kili, curious about the loud noise, poked their heads round the corner.

"What is going on?"

"Oh nothing I'm just watching Sephy get crushed to death...it's highly amusing."

"I swear, when I get out of this, Mara, I will end you!"

"No you won't, you love me to much!"

Her white-haired huffed, blowing some of her loose hair upwards. Ember licked her face whilst Storm started chewing on her boot. Kili raised an eyebrow whilst the girl drummed her fingers on the floor, holding a glaring competition with her friend.

"Do you two just bicker all the time?"

Neither of their gazes wavered as they answered in sync.

"Most of the time."

"Oh..."

"OW! Storm don't bite me!"

She slapped the dog on the head, causing both of them to shoot off her, tails between their legs. Mara started laughing loudly, whislt Kili took a step forward and offered his hand to help Sephy up, for the second time that evening. This time she too his hand and he effortlessly pulled her to her feet. Sephy shot him a smile.

"Cheers, Cute-Arse and Moustache-Man."

Fili and Kili, whose cheeks had again gone bright red, frowned.

"Actually it's Fili and Kili."

Sephy shrugged.

"Meh, I prefer Cute-Arse and Moustache-Man."

Mara, now having composed herself although her eyes were still filled with golden amusement, nodded and walked so that she could stand next to her friend.

"Oooooh I am seeing where you're those names from Seph."

"I know."

Fili folded his arms and looked at the pair.

"So if myself and Kili are Cute-Arse and Moustache-Man, what shall we call you two? The Dark and Light Beauties?"

Sephy let out a loud snort, rather graciously.

"Oh you're a cheesy charmer aren't you?"

She laughed, though it didn't stop her noticing the blush cross her friend's face.

"Sephy, at your service and my friend is Mara."

Her friend slapped her round the head, whilst Fili and Kili laughed in success.

"Ow, what was that for?"

"I was trying to keep them from finding out our names!"

Before anyone else said anything, the grumpy, grumbling sounds of Thorin calling the two dwarves sounded from the living room. The gents looked at each other, and then bowed low.

"Ladies."

"Ladies."

"Oh how very cheesy!"

Though Sephy did hide an internal blush when the dark-haired, Kili sent her a cheeky wink. Then both dwarves walked slowly through to the living room as a low humming began to sound. When the girls walked past, they heard the low baritone voice of Thorin singing an all-to-familiar song.

"Far over, the Misty Mountains cold. To dungeons deep and caverns old. We must away, ere break of day. To find our long forgotten gold..."

All the dwarves began to sing, creating a hauntng melody of a time gone by. Mara began to whisper the next verse, whilst Sephy closed her eyes and listened to the tune. Their fathers, who had been friends of old, sung that song...it was part of their legacy of their fathers before them and their fathers before them...

**I will update asap, hopefully before the new year, but if I don't then HAPPY NEW YEAR! TTFN x**


	5. Awkward Situations at Early Stages

**Hahahahahahahahha...*hides behind pillow fortress, ready to smack away reader abuse*...hi...sorry I haven't written in a while (been very busy and prelims are coming up soon soooo don't expect to much, but I'll try to get into a routine again) I'll have to try and update my other stories as well...yeah I feel I've been neglecting the likes of 'Tattered Feathers' and 'Little, Little People'...yehh...I promise I'll try...but I might not be able to due to exams and prelims...I AM SO SORYY!**

**Thanks to all my new followers/favouriters etc etc (for all my stories) it's great to know that you all still love my stories :3 luv ya! xx And many thanks to my old followers/favouriters etc etc for being the fabulous peeps you is! Luv ya toooooo! xx**

**Ok...I think that's all my apologising and stuff *runs back to pillow fortress and throws out love and hugs***

_**Chapter 5 – Awkward Situations at Early Stages**_

Sephy opened her eyes groggily. She had fallen asleep in one of Bilbo's shelves, how she got there she couldn't remember, and was aching all over. As she slid out, her muscles flexed and bones cracked from stiffness and awkward use. The white-haired girl yawned and ran a hand through her tangle of hair, her plait having fallen out through the night. _****_

"Oh. My. Valar?!" _****_

The girl smirks at the sight before her. Dwarves lay dotted around Bilbo's living room. Some were draped over sofas and chairs, others were curled up under their hoods. As she stepped out into the hallway, the chaos of bodies continued. _****_

It was as if they'd multiplied overnight! They were in the hallway and in the kitchen, Dwalin was being drooled on by Ember, whilst Storm was gently chewing on his thick boots. Sephy watched quietly, and with much amusement, as the grey dog's paws twitched, eyes rolling, as he obviously enjoyed a pleasant dream. _****_

Walking past the guest room, a gentle snore could be heard. She guessed that Thorin must've taken this room for he was the "important" guest. Gandalf was sat on the front step, puffing gently on his pipe. As Sephy peeked quietly out, she could see that the sun hadn't risen yet, but dawn was swiftly approaching over the sleepy scene. Hobbiton, in the girl's opinion, was always beautiful at this time of day. _****_

Sephy left Gandalf to his thoughts, retreating back into the hobbit-hole. She walked past the dwarf-infested rooms, then backed up and did a double-take, her jaw dropping at the sight before her. _****_

Mara was lying on the floor, her hood as a pillow, but she wasn't alone. Sephy gawked and gawked and gawked and gawked! Fili had his arms wrapped around her friend...not like accidental arm-drape, but full on round her waist, legs entangled with each other! Mara looked pretty comfy with it as well, unlike what she was normally like... _****_

Normally, Mara would kick and wriggle, annoying the person sleeping next to her to the point of suicide. She could never share a bed for more than an hour...unless it was part of the job brief. That was how it worked. Sephy was the clumsy, but at the same time genius, thief. Mara was the quirky, but flirty, mercinary. _****_

However in this particular instance, with Fili's arms around her. Sephy could see that Mara's face was snuggled into his chest, her hands looping round his back and shoulders and their hands entwined. _****_

"Ah...so adorable!" _****_

Sephy chuckled again, but her eyes widened as she watched something stir on the pairs feet. She hadn't noticed before, but Kili, draped under Fili's coat and his own, was squashing the feet of the couple. The girl covered her mouth to avoid bursting out laughing as she watched the young dwarf, face smashed onto the carpet, drool...yes, drool. Much like Storm, he was clinging onto Mara's foot and that was the destination of his dribble. _****_

"Oh Valar, why can't I get a picture of this? Because she would hate you forever!...but it would be hilarious. Yes, but she is your friend...soooo you have no opinion. What are you on about? I don't know I should probably quit talking to myself...ya think?" _****_

Sephy shook her head and then decided it was probably the best time to wake up Thorin. His facial expression would be priceless. She walked and gently woke up Ember, by softly and motherly, cooing in his ears...when that didn't work the treats came out. The red dog was up in a shot and wagging his tail. _****_

"Come on, Em. Follow Sephykins!" _****_

Tempting him through towards the door where Thorin slept, she made extra care of where she was stepping. Last time she had planned a trick, it was on Mara, and it hadn't really gone to plan due to creaky floor boards and the fact Mara had overheard everything. _****_

Gently, the silver-eyed girl, pushed open the door and threw the treat in. Ember zoomed after it and she closed the door, pressing her ear and laughing loudly as shouts and dwarvish roaring bellowed from behind the wood. _****_

"WHAT IN MAHALS NAME?!" _****_

"Crikey, better run!" _****_

She zipped down the corridor, and into the kitchen, just as Thorin Oakenshield wrenched the door open (nearly tearing it off the hinges) and stormed out. He glared as Ember ran out, whining, his tail between his legs...in search of his mistress. Sephy watched, from her safe-point, also known as under the kitchen table, as the angry dwarf stalked, murderously through to find the culprit. She had used Storm's tail as a personal gag, to stop herself from laughing. Thorin walked closer and closer towards the kitchen, but then turned and entered the living room...Sephy slowly crawled from under the table just in time to hear. _****_

"AND WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?!" _****_

"Uncl...OH MAHAL!" _****_

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU HANDS ON ME?! AND WHY IS KILI LICKING MY BOOT?!" _****_

"WHY AM I LICKING HER BOOT?" _****_

"I AM GOING TO KILL HER!" _****_

"Honestly, doesnae anybody nae the concept of dinnae disterb!" _****_

As the dwarves woke up, one by one, to confused shouting, a glaring Thorin and the promised curses of a certain girl's murder, they wondered why in Arda was Sephy lying under the dining table, wheezing and crying with laughter, clutching her sides and choking on a dog-hair all at the same time... _****_

Unbelievably, Bilbo managed to sleep through the entire commotion. It was amazing since Mara, followed by Thorin, followed by the two dogs, ran after Sephy...ready to reek revenge. Was totally worth it! A little while later, the pair managed to calm down and the white-haired girl just received many daggerous glares. She smirked as she hid behind Bombur, watching the dwarves sweep and tidy and wash and dry and clean and put away and dust and polish all of the entire house. _****_

It was amazing how quickly they got it done. Mara stood, now ignoring her friend, because she hated, but loved her, Fili and Kili, because well Thorin would kill her, and Thorin, because why would she want to talk to him? She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and gawked as the house became immaculate around her. Even the dogs got cleaned...both girls laughed when Storm appeared with a little bow on the top of his head, it clashed with the beads that Mara had plaited into his fur, but it was funny. _****_

The girls weren't welcomed for breakfast. Dwalin glared at them, mainly because his shoes were now soggy and he was covered in dog hair, so they ended up sitting on the living room floor, eating some spare food from their bag. _****_

"Why hadn't you warned me about them?! I don't want Thorin to hate me anymore than he already does?" _****_

Sephy chuckled to herself, wiping a stray tear that threatened to fall at the memory. _****_

"Oh, but it was worth it..." _****_

"You were laughing in pain!" _****_

"Don't care!" _****_

"And hiding under a table!" _****_

"Oh but your faces!" _****_

"You choked on a dog hair!" _****_

"Still. Worth. It!" _****_

Both the girls ended up chuckling. Sephy scratched Ember's head and lent against his soft fur. Mara was sat on top of Storm's paws. Sephy pulled a scrap of parchment, some tobacco and rolled it into a sausage. She dragged a match against the table and lit the end, inhaling the smoke and then releasing. Mara snorted, feeding her giant, grey beast the last of her bread. _****_

"You know that Bilbo will be annoyed if he finds you." _****_

"But it's my first one in mooonnnttthhhsss!" _****_

"You know smoking is a bad habit?" _****_

They both looked round to see Bofur and a couple of other dwarves walking into the room. The white-haired girl snorted and puffed a few smoke rings. Kili watched curiously, he had never seen a girl smoke before. _****_

"Do I look like I care? After this mornings antics, I need a calming agent." _****_

The hatted dwarf chuckled and lit his own pipe._****_

"Well we just came tae say turrah." _****_

The girls looked at each, knowing the dwarves destination, then back to the group before them. _****_

"Oh you are leaving?" _****_

Balin nodded, with a pleasant knowing smile. _****_

"Yes, lassie, it is time we head. We don't want to waste anymore of this beautiful morning, nor Master Baggins' time. Good day." _****_

He and a few others, bowed lowly. Mara chuckled and shook a few of their hands. Sephy gave them a nod and wished them all the best as they filed out the door. She called after Fili and Kili. _****_

"Keep those hands to yourselves, boys!" _****_

The pair blushed, Kili stumbling a little into the gate, and vanished behind the hill. It was another chilled half hour before Bilbo showed. He was greatly surprised to find Sephy and Mara quietly sitting in his living room. Mara was drawing, while her friend stared at the ceiling, muttering to herself. The hobbit coughed a little. The girls looked up. _****_

"Morning, Bil!" _****_

"Dwarves left, but look at that! They tidied, how sweet of them!" _****_

They shared a smirk as they watched their friend jabber to himself, his eyes lingering on the contract...Sephy had read it to some detail not ten minutes earlier. Mara put down her sketch and raised an eyebrow. _****_

"You know, you can go..." _****_

As if hit by lightning, the hobbit snatched the pencil from Mara's hands and scratched his name onto the contract. Then he ran back to his room and set about packing. _****_

"YAY!" _****_

Sephy's eyes sparkled as she clapped her hands. It hadn't taken Bilbo too long to grab his stuff and be running for the door. Suddenly he screeched to a halt. The pair looked at him. _****_

"What?" _****_

"I..i can trust you two to look after the house?" _****_

"Duh!" _****_

"Duh!" _****_

"And you won't flood it again?" _****_

"Promise!" _****_

They chimed. Bilbo nodded and hugged them quickly. _****_

"Wish me luck!" _****_

And with that, he sped out the door. Hamfast Gamgee look quizzically at his door as his friend ran past him. He then looked at the two girls, who had whipped hankies out of nowhere, and were waving him off with mock-tears. _****_

"Where's Mister Bilbo off to?" _****_

"He's going on an adventure!" _****_

Mara closed the door and looked around the quiet, cosy hole. Sephy sighed... _****_

"So...wanna play a game of cards?" _****_

THREE HOURS LATER. _****_

Both girls quickly locked the door of BagEnd, ignoring the smoke coming from the chimney...yeah so the card game had escalated quickly...until the carpet was ablaze. It was quickly extinguished, but the living room was black... _**  
><strong>_So obviously there was no other choice...to avoid questions, they just HAD to follow the Dwarven company. __

_**TTFN x**_


	6. Black Wing

**Chapter 6 – Black Wing**

Wet. That was the general feeling…wet, cold, annoyed and frankly, ready to beat the crap out of any dwarf who came into view. Two days. Two whole days, the girls had been tracking the anonymous dwarven company…and yet they still hadn't caught up, no had they found them. On their first night out, they had seen the distant fire of the company and decided to scare them by warbling and shrieking loudly…suffice to say that it worked. Now it was raining, freezing cold and everything they were wearing was soaked. Sephy had her head tipped back and was lying on Ember's back, catching drops in her mouth. Mara growled lowly and pushed her sopping fringe from her eyes. She hated the rain.

"Come on Mara! Cheer up, it's not that bad…"

"It is a torrential downpour! How is that not bad?"

Sephy laughed, choking a little on a raindrop. Ember let out a bark, of what could've passed as laughter. Storm also barked, shaking his mistress as he shook his darkened coat. Mara clung onto his fur in her cold fingers. She looked round and frowned when her friend began a weird sort of wheezy cackle from her place behind her.

"What?"

"Hahahahahahahaha…I've just thought of word for rain! Hehehehe!"

Mara blinked through the heavy droplets….really?

"Really?"

"Yup! Deluge! Hehehehehehehehehe!"

The girls stared at each other, and for a minute Sephy sobered from her giggles. However it was short-lived as the pair burst out laughing. Had a stranger been passing by, all they would have heard would be the pointless laughter of two very bored thieves. Mara shook her head and pushed her hair from her face, it was a real nuisance a times. She had calmed a little, but found herself laughing again, when Sephy stupidly remembered that she had a hood on and pulled it on….forgetting that it had been raining and now it was full of water….so she got soaked even more.

The pair immediately sobered when a large knife went whizzing past Mara's nose and embedded itself in the tree next to her. Their hands drifted over the weapons which were safely hidden in their sheaths, on the backs of their hounds. Another knife went past, skimming over Sephy's head. The dogs were pulled to a stop and tilted their heads. Obviously they'd picked up a scent, as Ember's hackles shot up and Storm began to growl, it was a low, guttural growl. It was low and menacing; reminding all that he was still a wild animal. The darker-haired girl plucked the knife from the tree and gave it a glance, turning it in her hand. She tossed it to Sephy, who rolled her eyes.

"Really Kallah? You always have to make a dramatic entrance?"

From the shadow of a tree came a chuckle. The pair rolled their eyes as slowly, figures surrounded them. One, short, slender outline walked gracefully forward and threw back her hood. A long mane of cherry brown curls fell in a tumbling ponytail to the waist and piercing lilac eyes twinkled mischievously. Kallah looked at her nails, in an almost bored fashion.

"Well, well if it ain't my two favourite vagabonds!"

Sephy snorted and jumped off Ember's back, landing squelchingly in the mud. Mara followed after her.

"Who uses the word "vagabond"?"

Kallah smirked and shrugged, turning her gaze onto the pair. It had been a while, nearly five years, since they had split from the gang, because their names had become so dangerously well-known.

"I do."

"Obvs."

The two girls looked round at the other figures.

"Ryfes, Almaer, Puxe, Kilmuir, Orfus, Tyber, Juan, William, Franklin, Atticus, Keith…how are we all?"

There was murmurs amongst the group and nods of "alright" and "don't push it, traitors." They turned back to Kallah. She smirked a little, her hand lying on her large sword.

"You done with your role call?"

"Think so."

"Quite. So, how's the big bad world without us, then, ai?"

"Us" meant the Black Wing. The Black Wing being the most notorious, deadly group of thieves known to elf, dwarf, men….basically ever race in Middle-Earth. For twenty-one years of the seventy-four, Sephy had lived amongst them being the most successful thief and Kallah's closest friend. She had recruited Mara when she had been with the gang fifteen years, and together the pair had made names for themselves. The Black Wings were a treacherous lot, and would easily turn on themselves as they would on others. The girls knew that they had to leave….especially after the incident with the Prince of Rohan and his loofa….that had been awkward enough without the group knowing. Kallah had hated them for leaving, for they had been the only three girls in the group…and the only three full-mixed-bloods at that. Each of the girls held a small part of every race (excluding the likes of orcs, trolls and goblins). Mara bore elf-like ears, but dwarvish stature, her frame was the build of a maiden of Men and her senses were close to that of her Grandmother, who had been a Hobbit. For Sephy, her ears were rounded like her ancestors of Men, her height came from her Hobbit mother, but fair face from her Elvish relatives. Her short-temper and love of a good fight came from a dwarf in the family…but no one knew exactly how far back he originated. Kallah was like the pair, mixed in looks…until their arrivals, she had felt like a freak among the exiled men, elves and dwarves….now however she had forgiven her friends…as there was a much higher price on offer, and a contact too honourable to decline.

"It's actually alright, all things considered."

Sephy nervously felt her eyes lower to her left hand wrist, under her archer's glove, were the tattoo of the Black Wing was inked onto her skin. She knew that Mara would be doing the same with her shoulder, a wing either side.

Kallah smiled through the rain. Mara lent on Storm's side. Without even trying, she ended up digging her foot into the mud, slipping and falling flat on her face. Everybody erupted into hysterics. Kallah shook her head as Sephy went to help and was dragged down beside her friend into the brown swamp.

"See this is what I need! Your klutziness, half these guys are all too serious! It is frankly, very boring without you!"

"Oi!"

She turned round sharply, glaring at the fair elf.

"Shut up, Keith!"

The three girls chuckled. Kallah pulled a piece of folded paper from her pocket and held it out.

"Sooo 100 Gold coins eh?"

The damp, white-haired girl grabbed it and looked at the wanted poster, rolling her eyes.

"They mucked up your mouth again, Mara!"

"They always do, it's like a long running joke!"

Kallah pointed again at the bounty.

"Really should've been 300…you guys are too clever and sneaky and downright ridiculous an-"

"What do you want Kallah?"

The gang-leader frowned, no matter what they always could detect lies.

"What do you mean?"

Sephy and Mara shared a look.

"You only compliment when you're lying."

"Fine. We want you to agree to join us. We have a customer, who will pay a hefty sum for your assistance…"

The pair started laughing.

"Uh no, we've got a huge offer right now, besides we like our own style."

"Your loss…I won't say it hasn't been a pleasure."

She offered her hand and was eyed warily, but eventually shaken. As the Black Wing vanished into the mist, the two girls heard the distant voice of Kallah.

"Make sure that Oakenshield keeps his head."

They shared a look.

"Well that was jeebieyish!"

"Agreed…"

**YAY! I updated! Dadadadadada! I updated dadadadadad! I will hopefully have anther chapter soon, but prelims start in the next few days sooooooo I'll be revising for those, but I love you guys! **

**RRFF. TTFN xx **


	7. Dwarf's Taste like Chicken

**HEY! Here's a nice chapter :) RRFF my lovelies! Got a prelim tomorrow wish me luck! DX **

**Chapter 7 – Dwarf's Taste like Chicken **

Finally, they'd reached the dwarf camp….but it was abandoned.

"Strange…"

Mara stared as the last ember of firelight died slowly, as if clinging onto its light. Sephy shrugged her shoulders as the dogs began rummaging around the forgotten packs, scrounging to see what they could find.

"Oi, no eating things that don't belong to you!"

Mara tapped her friend's arm, distracting her from scolding Ember, who was about to start chomping on what looked like leftover stew.

"What?"

"I can smell something….it smells like chicken!"

"Really, Mara? Now is not the time to be thinki- what are you doing?"

The white-haired girl watched as her friend pressed her face to the floor, tracking the smell. It was a weird sight…but just about as weird as anything the two girls had done. Mara crawled along the floor, sniffing the smell of faint chicken, followed by Sephy and the two dogs. The silver-eyed girl turned to the mutts.

"See this…." She gestured to Mara. "….this is how it is done…watch and learn young ones."

Storm huffed let out a low gruff, sneezing in her ear, whereas Ember licked his chops, tipping his scruffy head and wiggling his floppy ears…yup, they had no idea what their mistress's were doing. Suddenly Mara sprung up and howled into the air.

"Arooooooooooooooooooooooo…"

The girl took off into the dark trees and was chased by Sephy…and the lumbering dogs. Sephy quickly turned around, only to be run over by thundering paws. Lying on the muddy ground, she rolled over and grabbed the dog's' tails, dragging them to a halt. Both looked at her as she stood and brushed her trousers.

"Stay here!"

They looked disheartened, but sat neatly on their bums, tails wagging. Sephy spotted her friend and caught up with her. They gradually got nearer to the light and glanced at one another, as they heard the distressed cries of people. Sephy frowned and pointed up the closest tree to the light. Her friend nodded and they climbed up, settling on a hefty branch. They both had to cover their mouths at the sight before them.

"So that's what the chicken smell is?"

"Hmmm, go figure."

"We should cook dwarf more often!"

"Mara?!"

"Kidding! I'm kidding!"

The two girls chuckled quietly and then turned back to Thorin, and his "mighty" company. They were stripped down to their underwear and wear in a bunch of old sacks…several of them were twirling slowly on a spit above a giant fire. Around the struggling captives were three huge trolls. They were slow and lumbered around, making Sephy curious as to how on Middle-Earth did the dwarves, and Bilbo, get captured by them. Both girls leaned in closer as Bilbo, of all people, began to converse with one of the trolls.

"The secret of cooking dwarf is…is…"

The girls looked at each other.

"When did he become an expert in dwarf culinary cooking?"

"So that was what was in his stews!"

The troll licked his lips impatiently.

"Yes? Go on, tell us the secret!"

"Yes I'm getting to the secret…the secret is….tooooo uh skin them first!"

Immediate protests and cries of abuse aroused from the trapped company. Dwalin pointed at the small hobbit and began making serious death-threats…it was quite intimidating. The group of trolls began talking loudly at one another, so Mara took this opportunity to poke Sephy's arm.

"Sooooooo, what's the plan Seph?"

She looked at Mara and frowned.

"Wait, what? Why do I have to plan? You're the planner!"

"Uh noooooo, you're the expert thief….YOU are the planner!"

"As I recall it was YOU who came with the last plan! Sooooo Mara, get planning!"

"SEPHY THAT WAS YOU! YOU ALWAYS DO THE SCHEMING AND THINKING!"

"WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S YELLING?!"

"AYE RIGHT!"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH?"

"YEAH?! YOU WANNA GO?"

"RIGHT NOW ME AND YOU!"

"BRING IT ON!"

The branch of the tree, sheltering the pair from view was pulled away. The whole scene below the girls fell silent as the watched the two girls, foreheads pressed against each other, fists clenched. They glared into each other's eyes and Bilbo let out a subtle cough. Mara and Sephy turned quickly and glared at him.

"NOT NOW BILBO!"

"CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE BUSY?"

They looked back to each other…then slowly turned back to a very confused looking bunch. Sephy pushed a stray piece of hair from her face and let out a nervous chuckle.

"Evening all….fancy a roast dwarf?"

Mara started to choke on her laughter, but slapped her friend's arm.

"See what did I tell you?"

Sephy slapped her back, harder.

"You told me nothing! It was I who told you!"

The three trolls looked at each other, then at the girls. The girls looked at each other and then at the girls.

"Who's that, Bert?"

"No idea, Mara…"

"Can we eat them too?"

"HEY!"

And before anyone could react, the pair lunged at each other on the branch…which wasn't as sturdy as originally thought. As the darker-haired girl made a hit to her opponent there was a loud cracking noise…

"Uh oh."

"Oh shi-"

The pair clung to each other as the branch gave way beneath them. Crashing to the floor, they landed on the toes of the large troll who was brandishing a spoon. He squealed in a very unmanly….untrolly….fashion and staggered backwards and crashed into the spit the dwarves were turning on. They cried out as they were tossed off the fire and rolled painfully over into the other pile of dwarves, knocking poor Bilbo off his feet. The spoon swung around in the troll's hand and smacked his fellow trolls in the face, both of which tumbled back and crashed into the big stone sheltering the clearing. Sephy looked at Mara and they cringed as the stone cracked in two, revealing the morning dawn.

"Arggghhh!"

Everybody watched, in slight awe, as the trolls turned into stone, their skin smoking as the light burned it. The dwarves began to cheer loudly. Bilbo's eyes widened and the girls looked up from their tangled limbs, just as Gandalf ran up the rock, staff raised.

"And the dawn will take y-….?!"

He looked around at the stone trolls and cheering company. Sephy and Mara waved from their place on the ground.

"Well that plan went perfectly!"

**Will update ASAP! TTFN x**


	8. Truth Will Out

**Here's an update **** cause I luv yah all!**

**Chapter 8 – Truth Will Out**

"Oh come on Gandalf, we didn't know that it was going to happen!"

"Yeah! Had we known you were gonna have a proper badass moment, we would've sat back and watched!"

The wizard raised an eyebrow.

"I am not, as you say, sulking. I am merely annoyed that you thought it wise to take on three fully grown Mountain Trolls, alone."

Mara and Sephy shared a look, then pointed at each other. Their voices rang in sync.

"WELL SHE WAS MEANT TO COME UP WITH A PLAN!"

Gandalf couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped him, they were so alike even if they denied it. Sephy rolled her eyes and gestured to the dwarves, who were now redressing and had told the girls to turn away. Neither of them were really wanting to look at a bunch of underdressed dwarves, although Mara blushed furiously when she caught sight of Fili pulling on his shirt.

"What about them? They decided it was a fabby idea to run in and take on trolls! And they're way smarter than we are!"

"Exactly...wait hey?!"

"You know it's true."

"Shhh, don't let them know that!"

Gandalf shook his head.

"It does not matter now, the point is that you're all in one piece."

"No thanks to these two, or your burglar."

Thorin's low voice slid through the air and the dwarf-lord walked over, arms folded. He was not happy, by the arrival of Sephy and Mara...not happy at all.

"Hello Mr Grumpygills! Whoa…

Thorin swiped at their heads. Sephy ducked and Mara dodged as the dwarf-king lunged for them, chasing them behind the large boulder. Sephy jumped into Mara's arms and both the girls mockingly screamed as Thorin chased them round and round the grey wizard.

"SEPHY GET OFF ME YOU DEAD WEIGHT!"

"NEVER! HE'LL EAT ME!"

Gandalf harrumphed. He then grabbed the girl's by their collars ad held up a hand to stop Thorin in his tracks. Sephy leant over to whisper.

"He has magic hands!"

"Duh he's a wizard!"

"Oh yeah!"

"Hehem."

"Oh sorry Gandalf!"

The dwarf king glared at them all. The wizard rolled his eyes.

"At least they had the nerve as to gain more time. More so than anyone else."

"Thanks Gandalf!"

"That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to us!"

"Hush you pair!"

Even though they both wanted to retort to Thorin, Sephy and Mara both zipped their lips. The fuming dwarf turned and hounded on them. His eyes seemed to snarl…

"How can eyes snarl? I have actually no idea…Is it a trait that is inherited or like just down to practice? Hmmmmm…one of life's great mysteries…indeed my friend, indeed…."

"Uh Seph?"

Sephy looked up from her pondering pose and noted how Gandalf, Thorin and Mara were all watching her with curious looks. Kili looked over at the group to see her face go bright red with embarrassment, it was slightly adorable. Immediately she began playing with her hair, muttering to herself.

"Way to go…now we really need to be seen to…agreed…we're doing it again!"

Mara giggled as her friend gradually got more and more flustered, and ended up excusing herself and walking into a tree.

"Meant to do that!"

"Totally! We will meet you guys at the troll's cave!"

Thorin frowned.

"Cave?"

Gandalf nodded.

"These are Mountain Trolls, they cannot have travelled in daylight. A cave makes sense."

And sure enough, ten minutes later, the dwarves found the girls, and dogs, sitting by the cave. Well actually Storm was throwing up and Mara was scolding him.

"Well that is what you get for eating an old sheep carcass that had flies all over it! No don't look at me with those pouty eyes! No!"

The large grey dog whined and then ran over to Sephy, who opened her arms and hugged his head. Bofur grinned.

"Well lassies, it seems as if we're yer debt!"

"Don't mention it! I don't think your friends and family would drop it….ever!"

"Aye ye'd be right there."

"Well of course Gloin, that's why we said it."

"We move into the cave."

All the dwarves jumped to attention as Thorin spoke and watched as he marched into the cave. A few followed after him, but the others lingered outside. Gandalf and Bilbo went into the cave, flashing smiles at the girls. Fili and Kili walked over and sat by Sephy as she stroked Ember's head. The dog glared and growled at the younger brother.

"I don't think he likes you Kee."

Sephy chuckled.

"Oh pishposh, he is just worried that you young people will steal his thunder."

"How can you steal a dog's thunder?"

"Dunno…it would take great skills!"

They all chuckled and the two dwarves looked at the girl.

"We want to thank you, for, well, the trolls."

"It is all a part of the service."

The trio looked over as Mara walked over. Fili smirked and said deviously.

"What is the other part?"

"Hmmm that is for me to know and you to never find out."

Sephy nudged Kili's arm and gawked as her friend blushed. Mara NEVER blushed!

"Are they flirting?"

"Yeah can't you tell?"

"No. I never can!"

"Why did you look so nervous before?"

She looked at the dwarf, taking in his face for a minute. His gorgeous brown eyes held curiousity.

"Random. I was..uh…talking to myself."

"What?!"

"You heard me. I talk to myself!"

Kili laughed.

"You looked as if you had committed the world's worst crime!"

Sephy laughed too, looking around at random scenery.

"SOMETHING'S COMING!"

Everyone was distracted by the shout, no one had noticed that Thorin and co. had left the cave. Now everyone was running as something charged through the shrubbery. Mara and Sephy looked at each other as they ran after the company.

"Why are we running again?"

"Maybe one of their beards ran away!"

The pair laughed, crashing into the backs of Fili and Kili. Sephy and Kili went over and she landed heavily on his back.

"OOF!"

"Sor-"

"THIEVES! FIRE! MURDER!"

A man clad in brown robes, riding a crazy-awesome rabbit sled, burst through the trees.

"Radagast?!"

"Radagast?!"

"Radagast. Radagast the Brown."

Gandalf gawped in wonder at the other wizard who glanced around wildly at them all.

"What on earth are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you Gandalf! Something i- HEY DO NOT EAT MY RABBITS! BE OFF WITH YOU!"

He slapped at Ember and Storm, halting them in their tracks away from the large rabbits. Then he froze as he spotted Sephy and Mara. Raising a shaking hand he pointed.

"It's it's it's….Persephone Quynn! Mara Tullion!"

"They have last names?!"

Gandalf looked at his friend, then at the company. He reached up his sleeve and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He handed it to Gloin, then muttered to the girls.

"I am off to talk to Radagast, don't do anything stupid."

Nori frowned at the wizards, pointing at the poster.

"Oi, what's this?"

"Your answers."

Thorin glared at the page, then the girls.

"Read it. Out loud, Gloin."

"Right."

Gloin cleared his throat and began to read.

"'WANTED: for thievery, murder and other crimes committed in several lands. Persephone Qynn and Mara Tullion. 100 gold coin reward. Alive or Dead.' This cannae be possible they are the most ditsiest, clumsiest, quirky, argumentative, dim, hilarious mix breeds we've ever met!"

Gloin looked at the poster in his hand, then to the company. Sephy looked at Mara, then they both looked at the dwarves...

"You never can tell..."

"But you're thieves?!"

"Forget that Dori! They're the MOST wanted thieves in the land."

A frown crossed over many features, but Sephy found it didn't suit Kili's face.

"How? Why are you here?"

"Isn't it obvious?!"

Thorin's voice was dark, all looked at him, too afraid to glance at the girls.

"They are here to steal the wealth of our people, the wealth of Erebor."

Mara scoffed and Sephy held up her hands.

"You got it all wrong!"

"Have we?"

Bilbo looked at his friends.

"All this time…you were wanted criminals….have you stolen from me?"

"Bilbo you are our friend!"

"Yeah, we ain't here to steal from you, we're here to help you!"

"Exactly, had we had other intentions surely we would've left you to the trolls!"

"They have a point."

"Do not side with them Fili!"

"I'm not, I am just saying, Uncle-"

"UNCLE?!"

There was a long slow howl. Everybody froze.

**RRFF TTFN. x**


End file.
